


Forgotten Risks

by Tete_a_Tay



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Again, Amnesia, Amnesiac Reader, Bruce Banner Angst, Bruce Banner Feels, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce Banner-centric, Bruce Feels, Condoms, Drama & Romance, Emotions, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forgotten Love, Love, Oral Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Protective Bruce Banner, Reader-Insert, Riding, Second First Time, Self-Hatred, Temporary Amnesia, Vaginal Sex, bruce banner fluff, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:19:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19084891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tete_a_Tay/pseuds/Tete_a_Tay
Summary: Rising from sleep is not something that should be done quickly. It should not be done with surprises or noises. It most certainly should not be done surrounded by strangers in an area that is unknown to you. Unfortunately that is exactly what happened when you woke, sitting up quickly on a cold table. Strangers had been talking around you but now they were quiet, staring at you.You hurt. Your entire body screamed with pain. You placed a hand to your head and glanced to the small group. “Where am I?” A man began to talk to you but it was hard to concentrate on his voice. He spoke as if underwater, muffled. You blinked sleepily at him and he had stopped speaking before you finally understood his question.*****Stricken with amnesia you remember very little of the past few years. Bruce Banner, your friend, attempts to help you remember and watches over you. Unfortunately there are some details no one seems to want to share with you, especially Bruce. He definitely doesn't want to discuss what happened to you or what he thinks of the boyfriend you don't remember. Things are scary and confusing, and bound to get a little emotional.





	1. Chapter 1

Rising from sleep is not something that should be done quickly. It should not be done with surprises or noises and it should not be done urgently. It most certainly should not be done surrounded by strangers in an area that is unknown to you. Unfortunately that is exactly what happened when you woke, sitting up quickly on a cold table. Strangers had been talking around you but now they were quiet, staring at you. 

You hurt. Your entire body screamed with pain. You placed a hand to your head and glanced to the small group. “Where am I?” A man began to talk to you but it was hard to concentrate on his voice. He spoke as if underwater, muffled. You blinked sleepily at him and he had stopped speaking before you finally understood his question. 

“I know my name.” You said, stating it for him. He asked the date and for some reason that seemed to evade you. “Don’t know.” It was simple enough and though you’d just woken up, you felt your eyes drooping, drawing closed like a heavy curtain. You lay back again, listening to the "Charlie Brown’s teacher" quality of his voice before you drifted back into sleep. 

Waking the second time was not as intense, there were only a few people and they weren’t gathered around you so much as generally milling around. You lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, blinking in confusion. The bed was hard under you, but you thankfully had a pillow beneath your head. Rising slowly, sluggishly, your head was spinning. You pressed a hand to it and closed your eyes. In only moments there was a woman beside you, a hand on your shoulder.

She spoke, though not to you, which was just as good because you couldn’t focus on her yet. When your head stopped spinning you looked to her. “Mr. Stark is on his way. Would you like some ice?” The name was familiar, but you wondered if he was your doctor. Why would she call the doctor mister though? You nodded vaguely and soon had a small cup in your hand filled with ice chips. You used your fingers to grab a piece and popped it into your mouth, gazing around. It didn’t seem like a hospital, not really.

After a moment a man who did not look at all like a doctor came striding over to you. You glanced at him but didn’t recognize him, other than he was the one who had talked to you when you first woke up. The nurse began to talk to him and he stared at you, face serious. When she was done he asked your name and you told him. He asked the year and it frightened you when the dates muddled together in your mind. He asked if you knew his name and you told him he was Mr. Stark. An expression flickered across his face and he asked you to clarify and you shrugged.

“That’s what the nurse called you. Do I know you?”

His face was grim. “You do. You’ve known me for a few years now. It appears you have a concussion and some amnesia.” 

“From what?”

He sighed. “I don’t think it’s time for that. That can be discussed later, when you’re better and hopefully can remember yourself. Can you tell me what you do remember? About yourself? Partners, jobs, anything?”

You paled for a second and looked at him. “Are you my partner?” 

“What’s with that reaction? You would be lucky to be my partner.” He sighed again and rolled his eyes. “No, I’m not.”

You sighed. There was nothing wrong with him, he wasn’t an unattractive man. Something within you told you that you wouldn’t have dated him though. “I work...for the government.” He gestured at you to elaborate but you shook your head slowly. Some of what you worked on was secret, top secret. You didn't know him or if what he said was true. You couldn’t trust him. Even your injured brain knew that much. 

“Does the name Nicholas Fury mean anything to you?” He watched your face but you did not react. You didn’t know the name and said as much. Then he named your boss and despite yourself your eyes shot up to his face. He nodded, frowning deeply.

“So you don’t remember working here, or anything about your time with SHIELD.” Now that sounded familiar, but you couldn’t place why. “The doctor said you should recover over the next few days. We will be keeping watch on you, but until then you can return to your room. You live here and work here, secret stuff. You have many friends and they’ll likely be wanting to check on you.” This information surprised you but only mildly. “There’s actually one here now, waiting for you.”

“I’m an agent.” You said suddenly, remembering. “I work for SHIELD, I remember that now. I don’t...know why or how but…”

A man with glasses came walking over, his face was full of agonised concern. He opened his mouth and started to speak, but you cut him off. “Bruce.” You knew him. Knew his name at the least, but you couldn’t recall details. There was a fondness for him, though, so you knew at least you were friends.

“You remember?” He glanced from you to Tony, face lighting with hope. Tony shook his head. “But she will remember?” 

“The doctors said she would, after a few days. She needs to rest, to take it easy. You can take her to her room. I’m Tony, by the way.” Tony said to her, face sour that he wasn’t remembered but Bruce had been.

“Are we friends, Bruce? I remember you but...but not really. But I think we’re friends.” He smiled at her, face bashful.

“We are. Best friends, actually. For some strange reason.” He smiled and offered her his hand.

“Can you tell me about what I’ve forgotten? About my other friends?” Bruce chuckled a little as he helped her from the bed. 

“Of course, let’s head to your room and I can talk you through some stuff, I’d be happy to.”

You felt shaky on your legs but he gave you plenty of time. When you started to walk he put an arm around your waist to support you but pulled it away when you seemed to be doing alright, as if he thought better of it. You entered the elevator and pressed a button without thinking about it. You looked to Bruce alarmed, as if to verify you’d picked the right floor.

He nodded to you. He stood close to you, ready to catch you if you fell. His presence was comforting, soothing. Walking out and into what was, you assumed, your area you glanced around. “Bruce…” Your voice trailed off, a little nervous. “Do I...Tony asked me if I remembered a partner...do I have a partner?” You were nervous and sad, you didn’t want to forget someone you loved and hurt them. You turned to Bruce, brows furrowed. 

He seemed surprised before his face grew sad. “You, uh, you do. You are in a relationship.” He didn’t speak much more and you chewed your lip and shook your head.

“I don’t remember that. I don’t remember them. I...I don’t want them to know. I don’t want them to know I’ve forgotten them. That’s awful.” You were tired and worn down, emotionally exhausted and you felt tears pricking at your eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry.” He pulled you into a hug and you buried your face in his shoulder. “It’s not your fault but we...we can keep them away, for now.” You wrapped your arms around him. 

“Thank you, Bruce. Thank you.” He pulled away from you, moving to grab some tissues and then guiding you to the couch. He sat a polite distance from you, and you wiped your face. “Okay, okay. Tell me...tell me about myself.” You laughed a little and looked to him. 

He began to tell you about your life. How you’d been chosen to come to SHIELD as an agent, how you had enamoured yourself to the Avengers. You were friendly with most of them, close with some others. You asked him about Tony, and your relationship and described the man’s distaste at your reaction to him being your boyfriend. Bruce laughed out loud but told you it sounded par for the course. You and Tony had a rather teasing relationship. When Bruce grew quiet, considering his words, you changed the subject.

“What about me and you? How long have we known each other? How long have we been friends?” You smiled at him, interested. He was incredibly sweet. It was no wonder he was a close friend to you, a best friend.

“Uh...well, we met a little before you started here. You’re an agent, I work in the lab most times. A couple of run ins, some conversation. I...it’s hard to try and pinpoint where we went from just acquaintances to friends. I know that you said it first, that we were friends. But after that it was like we couldn’t be separated.” He grinned at you again before shifting awkwardly and rubbing at the back of his neck. “It’s weird talking about you, _to_ you.”

“I’m glad we’re friends though. I don’t...remember you well but you’re so sweet and I can tell that I care about you a lot. You make me feel comfortable.” He grinned a crooked smile and nodded, quiet. “So...that being said...what do you think about my partner? My boyfriend?”

Bruce snorted and cocked his head at you. “I’ve never known you to date a woman, is there something you’ve kept from me?” He was teasing but you blushed.

“No...I...I don’t think so. I just meant...boyfriend, fiance, husband...I don’t know which.”

He blushed now. “Boyfriend. You have a boyfriend.” 

You waited for him to continue but he didn’t. “And? How long have we dated? Do you like him? You’re my best friend, I know you have opinions.”

He exhaled a deep breath and awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck again. “Uh...a little over a year. You’ve been...seeing each other.” He was uncomfortable as he considered his next words. “I don’t know if it’s the right time to discuss that.”

You looked at him suspiciously. “Is there something wrong? Is he not….” You were frightened suddenly. Were you in a bad relationship? Was he mean to you? Abusive? That didn’t sound like who you thought you were at all but you were missing years of your life. “You have to tell me Bruce you can’t-”

You were cut off by a yelled greeting and looked over to see a few strangers entering. Bruce cast you a look but you already knew he wouldn’t discuss whatever it was in front of these people. Two of the three were men, was one of them your boyfriend? They knew your name, of course, and asked how you were. You smiled awkwardly as Bruce explained that your memory wasn’t all there. When asked if you remembered them you shook your head. Quickly you were introduced to them, two agents, Agent Stikes and Agent Royce. Lastly, one Steve Rogers, an avenger.

They seemed a little more open than Bruce and began to tell you stories of how you met and things you’d experienced together. The male agent, Stikes, was going on about how you were enamoured with him and always looked to him for advice and help. Even before you noticed the female agent's face you knew this wasn’t true. You gave him a skeptical look and he gaped at you for a second before falling into a smile. 

“I mean it was worth a try, right?” He joked and Agent Royce rolled her eyes. 

“Pretty telling that even without a memory she can call you on your bullshit, Stikes.” The woman said and you laughed with her. Talking with them helped a little, you thought, but couldn’t be sure. You felt like you remembered some of the things that they mentioned but were you merely building the memory by their words? Steve didn’t have as many stories of you, but you were touched he’d wanted to check on you. He had apparently seen you get injured. You had started to ask what had happened but he suddenly closed his mouth like he’d said too much. Everyone seemed uncomfortable, even Bruce and you looked at them nervously. 

“Well that’s not ominous at all. Come on, what happened to me?”

“You were injured in the line of duty.” Steve spoke. “It was an error, but it’ll be best for you to remember everything first. The important thing is that you’re okay.” He put a hand on your knee and gave you a dazzling smile. You couldn’t help but feel like a child scolded by the teacher. Somehow you knew this was a common feeling to get from Steve. 

After an hour of conversation you started to feel tired and they noticed. Steve was quick to draw the meeting to a close, ever the good teacher. They rose to leave, and Bruce did too. You got a strong hug from Royce, who kissed your cheek and said she was glad you were okay. Stikes pulled you into an awkward half-hug that made both of you laugh. Steve offered a strong handshake and you found yourself grinning because you knew that it was typical Steve, ever the gentleman. They left together and then Bruce started to make his way past you, talking about sleeping and this and that. You reached out and grabbed his hand. 

“Please don’t leave, Bruce. I don’t...I don’t want to wake up alone.” He turned to look at you, eyes dropping once to the hands that linked you. You let him go, feeling embarrassed and sheepish for touching him so freely. 

“I’ll stay.” His voice was quiet, calm. His eyes were troubled. 

You swallowed and looked away from his gaze. It was intense, searing through you with emotions you didn’t know how to read but felt that you should. Your eyes watered, tears putting a knot in the back of your throat. “Is that...should I not ask? I just...I don’t know what to do. I feel safe around you and I’m scared to wake up alone. If...if it’s not appropriate someone else can stay with me. Maybe Royce. She seemed nice.” You turned to look towards the elevator as if she’d still be there, but mostly to avoid having to look at him while you cried. 

It wasn’t really anything that made you weepy. Perhaps it was part of the concussion. You just couldn’t control the emotions that moved through you. It was all so scary and anxiety inducing. Something about being alone while you slept made you feel like a child afraid of the dark. 

“It’s fine that you asked, I’m sorry. It’s not inappropriate. It’s just...uh...it’s nothing. It’s hard for me to...to know what to say. Because I remember and you don’t and it’s....” He exhaled heavily and rubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head. “I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.”

Tears dropped off your face and you stared down at the floor, biting the inside of your lip. You nodded and sniffled. “I’m sorry for crying, I don’t know why I am.”

His voice was soft as he handed you tissues. “It’s okay.”

You wiped your face and he lead you to your bedroom. There was a chaise lounge in there, your reading chair, that you remembered. It sat near the window so you could gaze out and get natural light while you buried your nose in a book. You looked to your dresser and knew where your pajamas were. You headed to the bathroom to change. At least with this you seemed familiar. You changed and glanced around your bathroom, hoping to spark some memories. 

There was the thought of you and someone else in the shower. It flashed through your mind like a comet, darting away before you could pull anything into focus. You remembered his hands, his lips. He had you pressed into the wall and was nipping at your neck in ways that made your legs quiver. You remembered him grinding his hard cock into you, teasing you. A knock at the door brought you back, flushed and startled. 

“Are you okay?” Bruce called.

“Yes, sorry.” You opened the door and smiled at him. “Just trying to remember things.”

“Remember the bathroom?” He asked, eyebrows rising. 

You laughed nervously, blushing again. “Uh, kinda yeah.”

Before you could see his face you turned towards the bed and climbed in. You fell into your pillow with a sigh. Bruce moved to the chair, settling himself. 

“Bruce?” You were laid back, covers pulled up. He sat up from the chair a little, staring at you intently. “Thank you. For staying. It means a lot to me.” He relaxed back a little and nodded, smiling softly. “Do you...do you not like my boyfriend?” Your voice was quiet and afraid. 

Bruce considered it for a long time as you fought to stay awake. Finally, he answered. “No. I...I don’t.”

You frowned, but were too fuzzy around the edges to do much with that answer. “Oh...I’m sorry. You’re so...nice, too.” The answer you gave made sense to you, because if a guy like Bruce didn’t like your boyfriend...what kind of person was your boyfriend?

When you woke up, bright and early the next day, you saw Bruce sleeping half sitting up in the chair. His head rested on his hand and you felt a flash of guilt for having made him sleep that way. It was hard to try to remember things without any specifics about the memory but you did just that. You wracked your brain for anything about the past few years. You recalled the stories you’d been told yesterday but even they were smudged and fuzzy, a painting from someone else’s perspective rather than your own. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat staring into space, thinking hard enough to hurt your head. Mentally scraping at the scraps of memory you did have as if to stretch and pop them and restore it all. It wasn’t until Bruce’s quiet voice disturbed you that you realized he was awake now, staring at you with concern. 

“I’m still broken.” You said, your voice flat despite the very real pain you felt over it. 

“Temporarily, if anything.” You glanced to him and he nodded. “Like a puzzle.” You smiled crookedly, Bruce always said the right thing. You and your brain both knew this was true. He asked for Jarvis to run some scans on you and the AI reported his limited findings. Satisfied, Bruce helped you up and took you to the living room. “You should still eat light today. Just to be safe.”

You realized then that you were absolutely starving. You opened the fridge and snatched out a yogurt, remembering that you’d just gotten some the other day. As you began to shovel heaping spoonfuls into your mouth you looked at Bruce. He looked wary right away which must have meant he knew the look you were giving him. 

“What’s wrong with my boyfriend, Bruce? I need to know.”

He sighed. “Do we have to do this now? You need to get checked in the actual lab by more than Jarvis.”

You sniffed and shot him a look. “That doesn’t mean I’ll stop asking.” You scraped any last remnants from the yogurt container before rising to go get dressed. You dressed and brushed your teeth and Bruce hovered politely just outside. When you emerged you both went to the elevator together and you glanced at him pointedly. He pretended to study the elevator rather than meet your eyes. 

You both started walking out of the elevator together, your lips now pressed into a thin line over being ignored. You walked so close to him that your arms almost brushed. Your eyes never left him, staring a hole into the side of his head. 

He finally sighed. “I just...we talked about my reasons before you lost your memory. You knew what I had to say on it. I shouldn’t have told you what I did. You’d be angry with me if you were really…” He stopped, his words and his walking, looking to you with panic and guilt in his eyes. 

“It’s okay. I’m not really me right now. They say my memory will come back but...what if it doesn’t? You’ll have to tell me your concerns again anyway. Please, Bruce. I have to know.”

He exhaled heavily, agitated at himself. “He’s not good for you.” He finally spat, making a point to not look at you. “You deserve better than he has to offer and...your life is already threatened enough without adding another thing. He can’t be what you need and I hate it, I hate it for you.” 

You blinked at him, watching his face. He was right, you didn’t like his reasons. You nodded when he glanced to you and looked away from him. “Well, your reasons aren’t very good.” You said, a little snippy. “In fact, it almost sounds like you’re jealous.” With that you started forward again, leaving him where he stood. After a few minutes he entered the lab after you, face red. You couldn’t tell if it was anger or embarrassment but you tried not to notice. 

You had your check-up and everything seemed good. You could recall the year now and certain details were coming into focus. The doctor seemed pleased with your results. 

When you were released Bruce rose to go with you. You ignored him. Bruce cast you a look as you walked down the hall but you kept your eyes straight ahead. “I wasn’t trying to cause trouble. I don’t want to lie to you about how I feel.” His voice was soft. 

“Is it real feelings or just jealousy Bruce?”

“It’s...it’s complicated. Both, in a way? I...Not as clean cut as you think.”

You considered this. You walked near to each other in the small hallway. His hand brushed yours. Instinctively you twined your fingers with his and he accepted your hand easily. He didn’t seem to notice at first but you did. You stopped at the elevator, heart thudding. First it was from embarrassment. You knew he was your friend of years but you couldn’t remember those years. He was essentially a stranger. After he so openly accepted your hand and his fingers twined with yours without even alerting him, you stopped to consider things. You looked to him, eyes narrowed. He glanced at you, then saw your look. He seemed to realize and started a little, dropping your hand.

“Bruce…” Your voice was the quiet calm that told of a storm. “Are you my boyfriend?”

He blushed, mouth falling open, a hand flying to the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze. “I...do you...do you remember?” 

Now it was your turn to gape at him, eyes wide in disbelief. “You asshole! Of course I would be mad at you for bringing this up, what is wrong with you?” Your voice rose, unbelieving. Why would he do all this? Was it some kind of a test? You were practically quaking with rage as you stomped into the elevator. He followed, slinking like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs.

“It’s not like that, I promise.” He said, reaching for your hand. You jerked it away.

“You better get to explaining, Bruce. You might have years of relationship to help cover and explain away this fuck up but I do not.”

“I am your boyfriend. We’ve been dating a few years now.” He paused to draw a breath but you interrupted him, unable to stop yourself.

“What were you doing? Why would you say you don’t like my boyfriend? Were you just being melodramatic?”

“No, no, listen please. What I said is true. I _don’t_ like your boyfriend. I don’t like _me_. I don’t feel like I deserve you or that I could ever give you what you do deserve. I have my issues…”

“This is not turning into another fucking Hulk debacle, Bruce, god damn it.” The words left your mouth before you really knew what you were saying. It was true though, you could recall that you’ve fought with him about this many times. You stormed out of the elevator, barely registering that he was still following.

"I was the one who hurt you! I...I’m the reason you had a concussion. You could have _died_. Do you expect me to be okay knowing I could have killed you? Am I supposed to be okay knowing that I’m the one who hurt you? I didn’t want to tell you, especially since you didn’t remember me. How’s that for an impression, yeah I’m your boyfriend and I smacked you with a slab of concrete as my alter ego.” His voice was raising, neck turning red...and slightly green. You could see tears in his eyes, but they didn’t fall.

You stopped and turned to him. “Bruce, calm down, please. I’m sorry.” He stared at you for a moment and shook his head, looking away from you.

“We can’t even have a fight without worrying that I’m going to turn into a monster and kill you.” His voice was full of shame, full of anger. “I am jealous. I’m jealous that I can’t have a normal life with you. That any man out there could do right by you, but I’m not one of them.”

You cupped his cheek, brow furrowing. “Bruce…”

“No, no. I didn’t tell you because...I didn’t want to have to tell you the whole story. If you were going to remember me, fine, but I didn’t…” He was avoiding your gaze, his eyes watery. The doors opened and you walked out, he followed hesitantly. 

“Bruce, you can’t decide for me. You can’t take away my choice in this. You talk about the life I deserve but what if I don’t want whatever life it is you think I deserve? What if I want the life you can give? What if I think every moment with you is worth the struggle?” His lips thinned into a line. “I could date any number of men and not find one as loving or sincere as you.” 

He shook his head slightly, but he glanced back to you. You felt the anger swelling up within you now. You couldn’t remember the talks you’d had about this, couldn’t remember the fights, but you knew they’d happened. You could feel those old emotions swirling in your chest as clearly as the day you had actually felt them. “I could leave you, I could break up with you right now, Bruce.” That caught his attention and he studied your face. “I could go out and find a guy after a few months of sobbing my heart out. He could end up a normal man who can give me this fabled life I deserve. Or he could be abusive and mean, he could be secretly a monster. I could die, not because of any superpower radioactive accident. He could kill me normal, with hands or weapons or words.”

He didn’t know what to say to that and his face paled at the thought. His mouth opened a little and he fought to find the words to dismiss the truth of the statement. You held up a hand. “Speak plainly to me, Bruce. Do you want to be with me?”

His face contorted into one of confusion. You waited with eyebrows raised. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He finally said, voice rough. 

“That isn’t what I asked. Either you do or you don’t. It’s either worth risking or it’s not. I don’t know you well right now so if you’re leaving do it before I can remember. Seems only fair.” You were holding yourself together well, but you felt tears threatening to spill. “Stop trying to force me to be the one to choose. I know what I want. I know what’s worth fighting for. Do you?” A tear slipped free and raced to your chin. It was quickly followed by more, you turned your head away and rubbed the heel of your hand across your eyes. “Figure it out.” You said, voice raw with emotion. 

You glanced to him once with your teary eyes, long enough to notice his crestfallen face before you moved quickly towards your bedroom. You resisted the urge to slam the door, even though you longed too. You knew it would be over-dramatic but you couldn’t help it. He drove you up a wall. He denied himself happiness for the silliest of reasons and tried to make it about you. It wasn’t you. It was him. He was the only thing standing between himself and happiness. It wasn’t Hulk. It was Bruce Banner. 

You plopped on your bed and curled into yourself. Your rage slowly faded into simple sadness and you stopped fighting the tears and let them flow. The doctor had said that your emotions may be hard to control. Your body had suffered a tremendous shock and it wouldn’t be alarming to find yourself overwhelmed easily. Mentally, emotionally, all of it and every flavor in between. You cried quietly into your pillow until your eyes were red and swollen. You didn’t realize you were falling asleep, but it took you all the same. You fell into a fitful sleep with your tears still damp on your cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce was angry with himself, but what was new? He was always angry and nearly always it was with himself. He shouldn’t have stressed you out so soon after the accident. He shouldn’t have fought with you or pushed the issue. He shouldn’t have answered you so dramatically when you asked if he had liked your boyfriend. Try as he might, his self loathing rose to the surface like oil in water. 

So he paced outside your room and listened to you sniffle. He attempted a number of times to knock but always pulled himself back. Finally he settled on the couch and thought over what you had said to him. The sentiment of your words was not a new concept. You’d said nearly the same thing to him before, early in the relationship. He realized, head in his hands on the couch, that you were right. 

He was pushing you away because if his own insecurities. He could easily blame it on Hulk and being afraid that he would hurt you, but at the end of the day you were still an agent. You would always somewhat interact with Hulk regardless of the level of interaction with the Bruce half. He hadn’t had any good relationships to look up to growing up, he didn’t know the first thing about being a good husband and if he knew anything about father's it was what a good father _wasn’t_. Those were the things you made him think of. The things he worried he couldn’t provide for you. He couldn’t have his own children, which was just another thing he denied you. He threaded his fingers through his dark curls and sighed deeply. 

Living with the Hulk had been easier when he’d not allowed himself anything to care about. It hadn’t ever been easy, but if he denied himself enough things he didn’t have to worry as much. He might have been miserable, but he didn’t harm anyone he loved. Then the Avengers happened. Suddenly he had friends. Friends who actually stood somewhat of a chance. Then you, through the Avengers. You changed his life. You were everything he’d ever wanted and everything he was ever afraid to get. You represented a future, a life, something he hadn’t had to think about or want in years. 

You were kind and loving. You cared about him and you knew how to protect yourself. You had run missions with Hulk at least in some capacity before you’d even started talking. You knew who he was from the start and you hadn’t flinched or shied away. You’d seen him have an incident, though he had to admit he was better at controlling them once he was with you. He had something to fight for. Something good to focus on. He was punishing you for his own problems and in the process he was laying your feelings to the wayside. How must it feel to have the man you loved tell you how much better you deserved, how you shouldn’t be together?

He shook his head and rose from the couch. “Idiot.” He murmured to himself, knocking softly and opening the door to peek inside. He saw you curled in bed and walked in. He drew breath to launch into his speech about how sorry he was and how right you were but he noticed the regular rise and fall of your back. You were asleep. He started to head to the couch again, but worried you’d be upset if you woke up alone. He lingered, half between leaving and staying. His body eased onto the chaise lounge and he watched you sleep. He couldn’t leave you. Perhaps it was the right thing to do, perhaps it was the selfless thing to do. But he had always been a flawed man. 

You were restless. Eyes still closed you stretched a hand into the expanse of the bed, reaching for the body beside you. You found no one and this is what drew you to wakefulness. To forgetfulness. You rolled to stare at the empty spot in your bed and thought about the day before. You thought of Bruce and a warmth swept through your stomach before plunging cold when you remembered your fight. You sat up in bed, ready to get up and find him. But you found him sleeping uncomfortably in the chaise lounge. Your heart warmed at the sight of him. Even fighting he didn’t want to leave you alone. You smiled softly at him and wondered if he normally slept with you. You had reached for someone when you woke. It seemed likely that person would be your boyfriend. 

If he was sleeping in here, did that mean he wanted to be with you? Had he chosen? You pulled your knees up to your chest and leaned forward, wrapping your arms over them and the blanket. You rest your head on top, watching him quietly in the dim light. It wasn’t yet morning, some vague hour before dawn.

“Bruce.” Your voice was a whisper. He stirred instantly, a light sleeper. He awoke confused and glanced around. When he looked at you, barely able to see you in the dark curled up like you were, he asked if you were all right. “ ‘m fine.” Your voice was lazy and sleepy, but somehow scared. “Are you?”

“I... I, uh, think so.” He stretched and you regarded him calmly, sadly. You thought he would leave. Maybe not the room while you slept, but leave the relationship. “I’m sorry. I thought it all over and…” He trailed away, wiped a hand across his face. “You were right. I’m pushing you away and...and making excuses for my own fears. It’s not fair.”

“Life was just...much easier before I had to care for someone else. Before I cared this much for _anyone_ else.” He rose from the chair and made like he was coming towards you but stopped. “I love you, and if you don’t say it back now I understand. You don’t really know me right now. But I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything on this earth. I would risk everything for you, everything _except_ you.”

You knew your full minded self loved him too. You could feel the emotion swelling within you. You wanted to say it back and yet felt as if it would mean less from someone with no memory. He stopped and stared at you a moment, fidgeting as he waited for you to speak. Without a word you threw the blanket back, pulling the corner of the comforter to invite him inside. You moved over to the side further from him. 

He came to the bed slowly, unsure. He stood beside it for a long time, staring at the mattress first then you. His long fingers stroked the comforter absentmindedly. You reached for his hand, rested yours on the back of his. “You can’t be with me unless you risk me, Bruce. Every relationship, Hulk or not, is choosing to risk losing that person. But you do because they are worth it and you are worth it. You can keep me distant and perfect or you can risk it and see what good can come from fighting for each other.” 

You wrapped your fingers around his hand and squeezed gently. “The beautiful part of love is not needing someone because you’ll die without them. It’s wanting someone there, even though it’s harder. Even though they have flaws and make mistakes. The beautiful part is choosing them despite the struggle. Trusting them to keep you safe and loved without having to sacrifice who you are. Now get into this bed before I kick you out.”*

He chuckled at that and sat down to remove his shoes. You stared at his back, fingers toying with a thread on the blanket. “Have you remembered anything?” He asked, voice light.

“Not...not that I know of? I woke up reaching for someone this morning though. Searching the other side of the bed. Do I have another boyfriend you’ve been hiding from me?”

“Maybe you’re hiding him from me.” He said, finally turning and slipping his legs under the covers. He lay on his side, facing you, he folded the pillow in half and lay his head on it. He offered you a soft, shy smile. You returned it, gazing into his deep brown eyes. 

“Can I ask you questions about us?” You sounded playful, curious, and lay back on your side as well. “No weird, cryptic answers this time?”

He laughed a little and nodded against the pillow. “I’ll do my best.”

You nodded in return and glanced away from him for a moment, biting your lip. When you looked back he was regarding you with such a warm softness that your heart felt like melting. “Do we sleep together?” Your voice was sudden and rushed, half embarrassed. 

He shrugged a little. “Usually. Sometimes I work late and don’t want to wake you. Mostly I sleep here though.” He watched your face and his eyes flashed after a moment, realizing. “Oh, you meant…” He trailed off for a moment and you watched with rapt attention as he bit his own lip. He tilted his head down, half nodding and half avoiding your gaze. “Uh...yeah. We do that too.” He laughed a little, face flushing. “This is so strange. It’s you but...I feel like...like it’s new. Like _we’re_ new.”

“It is new for me. Right now, anyway. I...we haven’t even kissed yet, as far as I know.” But this made you think. “What was our first kiss like, Bruce?”

The smile that bloomed on his face was slow, but beautiful. It started crooked from the corner of his mouth and spread. “Ah...it was...amazing. Wonderful.” His brows drew together as he spoke with deep sincerity. He glanced to you but you only nodded, wanting more. “It was...we’d been working together for a time. Having...normal work conversations. And I wanted to ask you to dinner but I...I didn’t want to…”

“To risk it.”

His eyes darted to yours and he nodded and licked his lips. “I was scared. So we kept talking and finally, one night, I uh, I was working late. You were headed out but stopped by to say goodbye. You…” He smirked. “You were wearing this skirt, my favorite skirt of yours. You were leaning on my desk, right beside me. We were talking like normal about work stuff and finally there was a lull. I thought you were leaving, or about to. But when I looked at you, you had that look on your face. That… pursed lips, raised eyebrows “is that all?” look.”

He laughed as you did the face. “Yes that. And you said…” he trailed off and his smile warmed again, his face spoke of love. When he spoke his voice was a whisper, but with a higher lilt. “Are you going to take the hint, Bruce Banner, or should I ask myself out?”

That brought a big smile to your face. You must have been entirely fed up with him. Had you dressed up to get him to ask you out? You were sad you couldn’t remember. 

“So I turned and I was...shocked to say the least. Speechless. And you shook your head at me and smiled. I was caught out then, I couldn’t lie to you and say I wasn’t attracted to you. I stumbled over my excuses, too busy, and made my way back to my desk, beside you. You put a hand on my arm and said ‘What’s the harm in one date?’” His eyes flashed with lust. “I turned to face you and you were just so beautiful. Smiling softly, hand still on my shoulder. ‘We can just be friends if you want, but tell me how you feel, don’t hide behind the lab.’” That’s what he was always doing, wasn’t it? Hiding behind one thing or another. Especially the lab. Especially Hulk. 

“I...kissed you. Up against the desk, arms around you. It was rash but I...I don’t regret it. I started to apologize right after but you laughed and kissed me, and told me to take you to dinner.”

“I wish I could remember. It sounds like...a great first kiss.” You smiled softly, melancholy. “I’ll remember eventually, I think.” You glanced away from him, fighting the sadness that swelled within you. But the bed moved and suddenly his hand slid under your neck and grasped the back of it. He pulled you forward as he moved to meet you. Your lips met with heat and passion that left you breathless. He nipped at your bottom lip as you parted. 

He rest his forehead against yours. Your heart pound happily in your chest. “Maybe this one will do for now?” He whispered. You nodded, smiling. The warmth of him so close was comforting. You were drawn to it, to him. It was so strange, laying with this man you barely knew but trusting him completely. You were ready to give yourself to him here and now, and not for the first time. It seemed strange though, to have barely met someone and jump straight into sex. This wasn’t a one night stand and all the little worries pushed at your mind, societal worries about going too fast or giving the wrong impression. That didn’t apply here, though. You’d been dating Bruce for a little over a year, you just couldn’t remember currently. You were lost in your thoughts and he nudged your forehead with his own, bringing you back.

“What are you thinking?” His eyes seared into yours, slightly concerned. He was worried he shouldn’t have kissed you, always the sweetheart.

You met his gaze and pushed your fears down, deciding that for once you shouldn’t think quite so much. “You only get one first kiss, one first time with anyone. I...This has given us a second first time, a chance to...experience it again. Well...maybe...maybe just me I guess…” You trailed off for a moment. “Let’s not waste the only good part of my amnesia.” You chuckled a little at how silly it sounded.

He smiled and shook his head. “You’re sure?”

You nodded, biting your lip again. “Better make it count though, I don’t think we’ll get a third first time.”

He pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “Let’s hope not.” The words were mumbled against your waiting skin. No sooner had he finished the words then he pressed roughly into yours, rough and aggressive. His body moved closer to yours and you felt him press himself flush against your body. Already the hardness of him was obvious through his pants, straining at the fabric that separated you. The feel of him made you gasp into his mouth and you felt him smile against your lips. He felt huge pressing into your thigh and your eyes were wide as you jut your hips towards him. He noticed your expression and chuckled a little, a smirk rising onto his face.

“I forgot about that.” He murmured softly, moving his lips down to your neck, right to the spot you loved. You groaned, leaning your head away to allow him to kiss and nip as he would. “I’m bigger than what you’ve had before. You told me that. The surprise is nice.” He ground himself against you as he spoke.

“Bruce…” Your voice was a whispered whine, longing for more of his skin against yours. He pulled away then, tossing the blanket aside and pulling at the button of his pants. He shimmied out of them, glancing up at you with a devilish smirk that made your stomach flip. He watched as you took in the size of the bulge in his boxers, your cheeks flushing.

You quickly copied him, pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it aside. You pants came down quickly and you kicked them away. He smiled at you and his eyes raked hungrily over your body, taking in every last inch. He drew his lip between his teeth as he looked at you, his desire was palpable. 

He waited until your eyes found his again before he slowly began to ease his boxers down. You watched as every delicious inch of him slid slowly into view, before he sprang free. You flushed again, your kiss-swollen lips parting. You wanted him so badly, you needed him. You reached out to grasp him with your hand but he caught your wrist, stopping you. You pouted, looking to him and he chuckled.

“This isn’t _my_ first time, remember? It’s yours. Let me do it right.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed each finger then pressed the palm into his scruffy cheek. He was moving towards you then, crawling towards you until he reached your thighs. His face dipped and he kissed the skin of your thighs all over, nipping occasionally. His hands rubbed up the sides of your legs, wrapping underneath around the back of them. He slowly parted your thighs, staring intently up at you. You watched him, unable to move, but loving every second of what he was doing to you.

He kissed further up your thighs, growing closer and closer to where you wanted him the most. Heat pooled within your belly, you could feel the wetness of your underwear when his breath fanned against you. He pulled one hand free and brought it between your legs, hooking your underwear and pulling them to the side. His eyes focused on your exposed pussy, taking the sigh of you in such a way that made you blush again. He pressed his mouth to your heat then, tongue diving into you. He swirled his tongue within you then licked up your center, pausing to lock his lips around your clit in a way that made your body tremble. His tongue flicked at you and you felt two fingers gently rubbing against your entrance. He slipped them in easily, rubbing against your silky walls and going deep exactly as you liked, curling within you to touch that spot that sent you writhing.

He worked your body as if he had made you, as if you were a thing created for his own pleasure and he knew the schematics to your body by heart. You came hard faster than you thought possible from only his tongue and fingers. You watched as he grinned at you and teased your oversensitive clit, making you bounce on the bed. When you didn’t flinch at the touch, he moved his tongue back to lap at you all over, messily and sloppily. The sounds he made were wet and vulgar but it made your eyes roll and your toes curl. You came twice more on his swirling tongue and when he finally raised up and began reaching for the bedside table drawer, you could see your wetness glistening on his chin. He popped the drawer open and grabbed a condom. 

He sat back and dragged the back of his hand over his mouth, wiping the wetness away. You watched as he slid the condom on, still thrown by his size. When he was done he bent forward over you again. You felt him nudge at your entrance teasingly. Using no hands he rubbed gently against you, not sinking in, just teasing. 

He watched your face with a smirk on his lips as he waited for you to grow frustrated. It happened quickly and you found yourself speaking his name in a begging tone. The first syllable fell from your lips and he plunged into your wetness, deep and fast. Your words turned into a moan, eyes rolling, as he began to pound into you ruthlessly. 

He was fierce and passionate. More aggressive than someone would be on their first time with someone new, but it was exactly what drove you wild. He knew that though. Knew you liked the roughness, the depth of his thrusts diving deep inside you. You were able to do little more than writhe on his cock and moan, panting as your orgasms rolled over you. When he pressed the heel of his palm to your clit you jerked under him. He began to grind into it gently, applying pressure as he rubbed. You were lifted to another plane of pleasure, you felt as if your body floated. You twitched and your eyes closed. You felt his name spilling from your lips, you voice was loud in your ears but you couldn't and didn't care. Screaming with abandon, unable to control yourself, you came hard on him, around him. You walls pulsated along his length, bringing grunts of pleasure from him. 

He was getting close, you could feel him throbbing. He leaned in to kiss you, pressing into your lips hungrily. His hips pistoned harder against you, desperate and needy. You felt him pulse harder, faster, felt the heat of his cum as it filled you. He moaned into your mouth and you watched his face, watched the pleasure transform his features. You kissed him again as he leaked within you before he rolled to the side, taking his weight from you and laying his head on your chest. He looked to you and smiled, panting slightly, gathering himself before standing to take the condom off. He walked to the bathroom to clean up before re-emerging and crawling back to your still form in the bed. You were tired again and turned to cuddle into him, head on his chest. His heart thudded hard in your ear but he sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

You were speechless as you lay there, listening to the beat of his heart as it slowly returned to normal. Briefly you wondered how he wasn’t concerned about the Hulk, why his heart racing hadn’t scared him. You felt you knew the answer to that, that it was somewhere just outside the reach of your mind. Like a word that hovered on the tip of your tongue. You could see it, picture it...but it evaded you. You felt his voice as it rumbled through his body, his hand pressing into your bare back.

“Are you alright? Was that...was that a good second first time?” He was nervous, you could hear it in his voice, in his body that you were so closely pressed to. You lifted your head and looked at him with half-lidded eyes and a slow smile growing across your lips.

“Wonderful. You...the best I’ve ever had, hands down.” You stared up at him lovingly, enchanted.

He chuckled and blushed a little. “Well, I uh, I’m technically cheating. I’ve had practice. I’ll take the compliment though.”

You closed your eyes, completely at peace, grin still on your face. He had fucked you silly, you thought idly, still hovering in this warm in between place of bliss. “Take all of me.” You murmured sleepily, eyes still closed. “Take all of me forever.” You began to drift away, slipping into sleep feeling warm and safe.

“That’s the plan.” He whispered into your hair, but you were too far gone to hear him.

You dreamt for the first time since your accident but when you woke up you couldn’t remember the details. It seemed rather typical anymore, not being able to remember. But you could remember last night. You remembered the kiss and you remembered what had come after. You smiled to yourself thinking of it, thinking of how Bruce had touched you. How he had made your body his. You were still undressed in bed, but Bruce was gone already. You expected him to be, he normally got up earlier than you did.

You rose and made your way to the bathroom, attempting to brush your messy hair into something somewhat presentable. You felt almost giddy. The perfect word for it was love drunk, but that seemed such a cliche. You opened a dresser, looking for clothes, and found yourself looking at Bruce’s shirts. With a grin you snatched one out and put it on. You hoped he hadn’t left for work yet, did he work today? You walked into the main room, glancing around for him. You didn’t see him. He hadn’t been working the past few days, wanting to be with you. You doubted he would have gone back today.

You started the coffee machine, moving easily around the kitchen. You let your mind wander, but there was only one way it wanted to go. Back to last night, back to his touch and his kisses, to the heat and love in his embrace. You held your spoon against your lips, smiling stupidly into space like a teenage girl. Bruce always made you giddy though, you reasoned. This was the first time you’d had sex with him and he’d completely blown your mind. You had an excuse to be so…whatever this was. Of course, you thought, it wasn’t actually the first time. 

The first time had been much softer and timid. The first time had been stumbling and stuttering, hands tentatively reaching to grasp at your skin as if you’d slap them away. The first time had been much like taking someone’s virginity, and in a way you had. Bruce hadn’t had sex since the Hulk had happened. It was new in a whole different way and you had relished in his almost innocence. That wasn’t to say he hadn’t satisfied you that time, he definitely had. There was less confidence than last night but his hands and mouth had found all the places you wanted touched.

Your coffee maker beeped and you began to prepare it, still lost in thought, running on autopilot. You’d ridden him the first time, had asked him to let you be in control. You remembered looking down at him and watching his face as your hips rocked on top of him. His hands had roamed from your breasts to your side, touching, loving. When you leaned forward, your arms holding you up over him, he had kissed you just as desperately as he had kissed you last night. His hands had landed on your hips and as your voice encouraged him he started to move you at first. Making you ride him while you gazed directly into the face of each other’s pleasure. Then he had held you still and tight, fucking up into you.

He grew close and he slowed himself, telling you in hurried whispers. You had responded to him by kissing his face and asking to push him over the edge, asking if you could drive him all the way. If you could take control and fuck him until he came deep inside of you. His eyes had closed, mouth flashing a bashful smile at your blatant request. It was all the permission you needed to fuck him harder again, to ride him and push him closer and closer to the edge. It didn’t take long, not with him staring up at you. Watching as your breasts bounced, your pleasure written all over your face. Not with your words ringing in his ears. You came together, trembling, moaning. The force of it felled you back down, hands supporting you, breathing hard above him even as you kept your hips rotating to prolong his pleasure.

“Hey.” His voice cut through your thoughts, soft and warm. There was a small grin on his face as he took you in, noting his shirt. “What’s on your mind? I’ve been talking to you since I walked in.” He gestured behind him to the elevator as he removed his jacket. You stared at him a moment and his brows wrinkled once, quickly, a confused smile curving onto his lips. “Ar-”

“Bruce,” You breathed, realizing now that you could remember everything. You could remember it all. All of him, all of you. Every moment from the past that you’d been missing was right where it should be in your mind. And still last night burned you, seared you as if it was a new experience. There was something new and fresh still lingering around you and him. “I remember.” You abandoned your mug on the counter and rushed to his arms, pressing your lips to his. “I remember.”

His face erupted into joy and emotion, tears started to wet his eyes. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly, almost too tightly as he struggled to hold it together. He murmured soft words into your ear as he held you. When you pulled back, tears glistening in your own eyes, you cupped his cheek. “I am so sorry I forgot Bruce. I love you, I love you to the ends of the universe. To the beginning of time and back around again. Always. Forgive me.” He shook his head and kissed you.

“Even when you forgot me, you loved me. I could see it. Don’t apologize, don’t.”

“I remember our first kiss, I remember our first time.” You grinned coyly up at him and he laughed. “And now I want to make love to you for the whatever time it is, I want to love you like you loved me last night.” You began to pull him by the hand to the bedroom and you heard him chuckle again as he followed. When you reached the door you turned to look at him with a playful grin. “I think you fucked my memory back, Bruce.” 

You laughed together until your lips met, again and again as you fell into bed together, curling into each other and claiming the other once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
